Prem and Shalina are very devoted parents. They shower love and affection on their son Ranjit. They never missed his PTM’s, his kabaddi matches or his guitar performances. They are always available when he wants to talk and they guide him with every decision he takes. They let him know ever so often that he […]

Rachana, 29 and her husband, Sunil, 34, have been married for four years. They do not have children but face constant pressure from their families to have them soon. Both of them have full time jobs and they rarely have any time to spend with each other. Rachana is frustrated as she feels sex has […]

There are fundamentally two kinds of conflict in a marriage: Solvable problems and Perpetual issues. It helps if couples realise this and deal with it in a healthy manner. Solvable problems are usually more specific and situational. For example, Sheela is exhausted at the end of the day and hurt that Ravi doesn’t even notice […]

I don’t want to GO to a counsellor! You don’t GO to a counsellor! We go to a doctor when we are ill, and often, a quick dose of medicine makes the pain or illness go away. To have the same expectation from counselling may not be right. So, you don’t go to a counsellor, […]

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” — Leo Tolstoy Tolstoy was certainly onto something. Often, while working with clients in my practice, I hear them say things like, “If only she changed, then I could be more patient with her”, “If she didn’t provoke me so much, I […]

Anand was joining a new organization. This transition brought forth a few challenges for him which were overwhelming. The following are steps Anand had to take in his new role: Understand the scope of his responsibilities and identify if there were any knowledge and skills gaps that he needs to acquire to enable him to […]

Ajay’s Problems at Work and Home  Ajay felt like he lost complete control of his life. At work nothing seemed to go right and this affected his personal life as well. He felt un-appreciated and helpless. His relationships at home too were spiraling down hill. He felt he was under too much pressure at work and […]

“I don’t know…” “I have really tried everything – nothing works!” “I wish I knew…” “Maybe there IS no way out of this.” “It’s all very clear in my head – but when it comes to actually doing something, I feel lost.” And of course, “Why don’t you tell me what to do to change […]

Are you wondering whether to meet a counsellor or a coach? At first glance counselling and coaching appear similar because the professionals involved use similar skills such as active listening, empathy, harmony, establishing rapport, building trust and the use of powerful, probing questioning. There are some very real differences however, in the approach, purpose, goals, […]

Sheela sounded worried on the phone and requested an emergency counselling session for her 11 year old daughter-Neha. A very concerned Sheela explained that her daughter- typically an academic high achiever had obtained the third rank in class. This was perceived as unusual by the family considering that Neha always secured the first rank. Upset […]

Amit had a heart attack during a business meeting. Never in a million years did he believe that he would have a heart attack at the early age of 33. After months of cardiac rehab, physiotherapy and nutrition counselling, he was finally ready to lead a normal life. However, he found himself having nightmares and […]

Once upon a time, two people met and feel deeply in love. They decided to marry and spend the rest of their lives together. After they got married, they never had any arguments and they never got angry with each other or tried to hurt each other through their words or actions. They lived happily […]

Many years ago two salesmen were sent by a British shoe manufacturer to Africa to investigate and report back on market potential. The first salesman reported back, “There is no potential here – nobody wears shoes.” The second salesman reported back, “There is massive potential here – nobody wears shoes.” Someone said – It’s not […]

As an American now residing in India, I cannot help but notice that some of the negative aspects of Western media are beginning to encroach on Indian culture. Low self-esteem, insecurities, and poor body image are creeping into the female psyche and behaviour. As Bollywood actresses become increasingly slim, television ads promote fairer, whiter skin, […]

There are times in our lives when we are faced with situations in which we must stand up for ourselves. It may involve a friend who continuously borrows money from us. It may be a noisy neighbor playing his music too loud. Or a poor performance rating at work that you feel you don’t deserve. […]

I spent a few days asking random people these two questions, and (apart from some odd looks) their gracious replies resulted in this article. Research – and most people’s experience – say that touch is the first language we learn. Babies who receive touch in a consistent, predictable and respectful manner not only cry less […]

Rahul’s parents were called into school for the fourth time this term. His parents knew what would be in store- they would hear the teacher describe their son’s antics in class in this mildly exasperated and reproaching tone. The litany of complaints would be all too familiar – Rahul can’t sit still, he’s so hyper, […]

Kruthi, 31, has been feeling like something is off in her marriage for the last few months. She feels like her husband, Sathish, 34, has been more distant lately. He seems to spend more time at work than before and spends all his free time on his phone or watching TV when he is at […]

As a child & adolescent counsellor, much of my time is spent working with parents who are preparing to launch their children into the “Real World.” The transition from high school to college is a big step, not only for students, but for families too. One of the most frequently asked questions I receive from […]

One of the ways in which a lot of us are different from our parents’ generation is in our approach to parenting. Planned and intentional parenting is a lot more on the minds of this generation of parents than in the past. Earlier, the equation of marriage then children was unquestioned and unexamined. Issues like […]

Asha is a well-educated, independent young woman of 25. She lives with her parents and younger brother. Around the age of 15, she first discovered that she felt emotionally and sexually attracted to girls. Despite the initial turmoil, she has grown comfortable with her sexual identity and considers it to be a valuable part of […]

You’ve always been told not to compare yourself to others, right? However we are social beings who like to model one another. Who we are, how we “do” life, and who we are becoming is greatly influenced by our interactions with the people in our influence circles, our experiences, and the community we are part […]

“I don’t need a parachute. Baby, if I’ve got you. Baby, if I’ve got you. I don’t need a parachute. You’re gonna catch me. You’re gonna catch if I fall. Down n down …… “ The song by Cheryl Cole has us shaking our heads in disbelief. Only a fool would attempt to jump off […]

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.” ― Douglas Coupland Loneliness is not an illness, but a feeling of ‘nillness’. It is the distress that results from discrepancies between ideal and perceived social relationships. To attempt to categorize it as normal or abnormal […]

I don’t catch your drift and I don’t catch your plan Need to get my thoughts down but it’s getting late Need to get up now, get my feet on the ground But the show is so unprepared now – “Procrastination” by Amy Winehouse Procrastination is defined as “the practice of carrying out less urgent […]

Does it matter if I’m happy? I mean is it necessary for my survival? Guess what, it is! Several scientists have found the people who feel happy live longer. They definitely live better as well. More specifically, studies have shown that, ‘feeling good can transform people for the better, making them more optimistic, resilient and […]

If you are experiencing a divorce or have a family member going through one, this article will help you understand the effects of divorce for your family. Divorce often affects all family members producing a crisis for each member and the family as a whole. Knowing the stages of adjustment to a divorce that a […]

What is a boundary, psychologically speaking? It is something that marks off where one person begins and ends. It isn’t exactly a wall, because it can be flexible (move backward or forward) and because it can be permeable (allow ideas/ people in and out). It is just there, and that is its primary function. It […]

Wear the blue jeans or the black? Eat now or regret later? Speak up or shut up? Every waking moment, we’re making choices. Each choice is a fork in our road, where our decision will take us left or right. The power of choice is something that can make or break an individual. Choices can […]

“Be a man” – when are men told that? Pretty much every time they’re upset or sad or worked up about some issue. So what does it mean then, to be a man about these things? It means that you’re supposed to work on logic and practical thought. It means that you see a problem […]

“I am important to me” How many of us can say that? In a culture that celebrates selflessness and sacrifice, it is likely that even if we said it, we would be met with criticism rather than appreciation. And yet, take a moment to think about the paradox: you demand that others value you for […]

This furiously fast paced life we all are living today leaves us with no time to look n stare or hear n say everyone’s busy acquiring wealth, material, recognition. Needs keep increasing, so fulfilling becomes the mission. Our selfish fast paced life sometimes needs to slow down That is when there will be more to […]

While school, family and friends are most important during early and late childhood, for teenagers the order is reversed. So friends become the priority, and things like school, studies, even family recede to the background. Few parents are entirely comfortable about this change, and rightly so. In this day and age, there are many things […]

“Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body.” But does reading fiction also account to the exercise one’s mind requires to remain healthy? The question is “Why do some people read fiction? In what way is it good for us?” Psychiatrist, Dr Ponni Muralidharan says that reading fiction actually relaxes one’s mind. […]

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt about being a mother, it’s the number of times one has to say “No” to a curious toddler in a single day. It has actually been documented that all over the world, regardless of language patterns and grammatical structures, a young child generally learns to respond to “no” and […]

Our school-going years are the ones we wax most nostalgic about as adults, about teachers and classmates from way back when who helped us grow into the person we are today… it would come as a surprise then, to know that these very same years are fraught with tension and worry for children of the […]

When children turn to the pre-teen years, parents generally feel less hassled about day-to-day behaviours, since most of their son or daughter’s time is spent at school. After school, there’s homework, play and bed… though not always in that order! So it wouldn’t come as a surprise then, that the first persons to notice a […]

Becoming a parent is kind of like a roller-coaster ride – there are ups and downs, and you never quite know what’s round the bend. It’s hard enough coping with a baby’s needs, but at times there is a further complication when your baby does not grow in the ‘right’ way – that is to […]

Most people before writing an exam or before performing on stage or if they have to compete in an important sporting event are tormented by ‘mental demons ‘. Such as fear, angst, nervousness and self doubt .Before the actual performance even if there is an iota of self doubt somewhere in the corner of the […]

It is commonly said that adolescence begins in biology and ends in culture. The transition into adolescence (or teenage) is marked by the dramatic changes of puberty, while the transition from teenage to adulthood involves changes like the completion of education, entry into the working world and marriage. Included in the tasks of this life-stage […]

We all have basic emotional needs that translate into us feeling loved by another. It is often these emotional needs that drive us into falling in love and marrying our spouse.  When some of these needs start getting ignored in our marriage, many times by neglect and not necessarily by intent, we may feel that […]

Ever had one of those days when nothing ever goes right? Where a simple task like making a cup of tea or greeting a neighbour goes awry so fast that you don’t even know what you did wrong? Being depressed is something like that, only over a period of time and without the respite of […]

“I would like to thank the support staff especially Mike Horn who joined us at the start of the tournament and was there for our last couple of games. He worked on the mental side and has helped us deal with the expectations and pressure” – Sachin Tendulkar India wins the World Cup final, and […]

Reena felt hurt because her mother-in-law criticized her about not staying at home enough to take care of all her husband’s needs. She tried to tell her husband Sujit about her feelings, wanting his support. Sujit thought she was criticizing her family and ended up flying into a rage. At the end of the whole […]

Are you someone who has heard a lot about counselling? Someone who is curious about counselling and wants to see what counselling is about? Has your curiosity made you to want to try it but you are too scared because of stories you’ve heard from people? Well, if you can associate with the above, then […]

We’ve all heard stories about counselling. We have probably heard our families or friends say that counselling is only for crazy people or that we should avoid going to counsellors unless it’s a crisis. Obviously, it raises many doubts in our minds about what to expect from a counsellor. Though we may need someone to […]

Have there been times when you were in a dire situation and needed help but didn’t know whom to approach? Were there been times when you wanted to talk to someone outside your family or friends’ circle? Times when you felt you have had enough and just couldn’t take it anymore? You are not alone. […]

Is it possible to love too much or to become addicted to love? We have all known people or observed ourselves getting into and staying in intimate relationships which are obviously unhealthy. These relationships give more pain than pleasure, lower our self-esteem and often make us feel insecure and depressed. Yet, we stay. Despite every […]

Have you thought in passing that your partner is like your drug- something you cannot live without? Does your whole world revolve around your? Is your entire day decided by how your partner treats you that day? Have you noticed that you spend far more time worrying about the well-being of your loved ones than […]

Have you noticed that whenever you are stressed or upset, you might get a headache or an upset stomach? You might already be going through a very rough phase at work or in college and things are made more difficult because you fall ill repeatedly. You often get colds, body ache or fever and repeated […]

Without exception, we all have people we are attached to in our lives. Some people we love, some we like, some we dislike and some we hate. Some people are very secure in our attachments while some others might constantly question if their relationships will last. The way we view ourselves in relationships and our […]

‘Love is a sacrifice’. Give everything of yourself to those you love and if there is anything left, give that too! Most of our popular movies, songs and books imply that to love someone is to be so unselfish that we should not say no to anything they ask of us. A 13 yr old […]

Gaurav, 28, is a software engineer working in a well-known company in Bangalore. He is single and has had some unhappy experiences in his romantic relationships. Gaurav tends to lose his temper frequently and takes it out on his partner, friends, colleagues or family members. Whenever he is frustrated at work or hurt in a […]

Power Struggles in Families Have you often found yourself debating whether you should be the first one to give in after a fight with your partner? You experience an inner struggle between your ego and your desire to make things right in the relationship. If you give in, you might feel like you are surrendering […]

Your parents have started making subtle hints about you getting married soon. Only half joking, they say your uncle or aunt knows someone who would be really perfect for you. “Maybe you should just meet him/her once before you say ‘no’”. You have this scary feeling that they won’t just be joking about it in […]

Did you ever feel you had to do something for someone you didn’t really want to? Were there times when you had to give way to someone because the idea of saying ‘No’ was too hard to contemplate? These situations may sound familiar because you or those around you have experienced similar incidents. And perhaps […]

That inevitable time has come. The moment you were probably contemplating and maybe even running away from has finally arrived – the day your parents sit you down or mention slyly in passing that it’s time you got married. You see your entire life flash in front of your eyes and wonder why this moment […]

The tendency to feel stuck happens to each and every one of us in perhaps all spheres of our life at one time or the other. “Being stuck” makes us restless, frustrated and sometimes angry as well. We may be stuck with an impending assignment we have at hand or with people we don’t necessarily […]

Parenting can be a terrifying responsibility to take on for most of us. Being responsible for bringing a child into the world and raising him/her right is a something many of us might feel unprepared for. We worry about so many things which may go wrong. We try to read books on parenting, talk to […]

Family Therapy is an approach to counselling which looks at the problem a client is having as a symptom of dysfunction in the entire family. Family therapy believes that an individual is best understood within the context of his/her family relationships. It does not assign blame on either the individual or the family but attempts […]

All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts… -William Shakespeare Theatre is a unique gift to us in that it allows us to temporarily immerse ourselves in another world. While watching a play, you […]

Uma, 58, is a teacher in a college. She has been having major problems in her marriage for many years and says she hates her husband. She also says that her grown children do not care about her at all and that she is completely neglected at home. She has isolated herself from her family […]

As Indians, the concept of family that we hold includes not only our parents and siblings but also our grandparents, uncles, aunts and other relatives. The idea of family obligations and loyalty is something we think of as sacrosanct. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why our family system has managed to stay more […]

‘Am I good enough?’ This is a question many of us have asked ourselves at some point or other in our lives, whether it is in relation to our appearance, our personality, work, academics, relationships and any other area of our life in which our abilities are tested. Sometimes the answer to the question above […]

‘Men are insensitive’ ‘Women are bad drivers’ ‘All men love sports and sex ’ ‘All women love shopping and gossiping’ How often have we heard these comments in our culture? Some people may feel angry when gender based comments are made, while others may agree to these comments as genuine differences between the sexes or […]

“I feel awful, uncomfortable and restless. I want to talk things through but I feel so angry that I prefer being alone, in a locked room. I mean, I’m not going to go out and start starting – let him take the lead. Yes, we both screamed at each other and lost our cool but […]

A parent of my acquaintance told me very poignantly ‘It is very difficult for any human being to completely understand another human being. I think I know my kids and understand the individuals they are becoming, but sometimes I think I don’t understand them at all!’ Many parents go through a period where they are […]

Hrithik, 12, is the youngest of three children in his family. For many years now, Hrithik has not been going to school because he is unable to cope with the academic demands made there. While other children begin to talk around the age of 1, Hrithik did not begin using words till he was about […]

A fascinating book by Po Bronson outlines the real life stories of people who asked themselves this question and took the journey of trying to find out their purpose of life. Some journeys were hard, some easier. Some found the answers they were looking for, some were surprised, some continue searching. All of these people […]

Many of us have grown up dreaming of the wonderful feelings of romantic love and wait expectantly to fall in love. Movies and love songs have a way of stirring up that longing in us. People in love seem so joyful and alive and we yearn for that in our lives too. Those of us […]

There are times when we question the meaning of life or the purpose of life. Such questions may come up when we have time on our hands and we are wondering what to do with ourselves. They may also come at times when we are extremely busy. With life passing us by so quickly, we […]

On a recent trip to a jungle near Bangalore, I was taken aback by how refreshing and energizing it felt to be in the midst of so much greenery and beautiful wild life. I last remember feeling so wonderfully calm and joyously alive, while watching a sun set over a shimmering ocean. We all experience […]

It’s Monday morning and you can’t wait for the week to be over.  For some people, ‘Monday blues’ start on Sundays itself – the sinking feeling of going back to work or a slight anxiety of all the things that have to be done the next day. Yes, you make jokes about it with friends, […]

“As we go on, we remember All the times we had together And as our lives change, come whatever We will still be, friends forever” These lyrics of the ‘Graduation Song‘ express our desire for life-long friendships. For most of us, friends are an important source of happiness and strength. Yet, sometimes inspite of our […]

In relationships where we know our partners actually do love and care for us, it can be frustrating and painful if we find ourselves frequently feeling unloved. This can be confusing for us and could lead to a number of fights or conflicts with our partners, leaving both partners feeling exhausted and hopeless. When we […]

Looking good is important to many of us. We may often wish we could look different or more attractive. We wish we were thinner or taller or fairer or stronger. Or we wish we had better skin, hair or teeth. Often we are conscious of our one ‘flaw’ while talking to others. It can be […]

Do you remember what it felt like – the last time you sat through a meeting, not asking the question you wanted to or not sharing what you thought? Or when you met someone new and seemingly impressive – at a party or at work? It is quite common at such times to worry about […]

The song ‘Lonely’ by singer Akon became a world-wide hit and the line “I have nobody for my own” possibly resonated with a number of people. Yes, feeling lonely is a common human experience. But that doesn’t make it any less painful an experience for us. Feeling lonely is different from being alone. When we […]

We all want to have a happy life. If we look at why we do certain things, usually the reasons finally boil down to happiness. Sometimes, we pursue certain goals believing that they will bring us happiness but when we do accomplish them, we may not feel any different, making us wonder what does make […]

How many times a day do you ‘feel good’ or experience positive emotions? Moments in your day when you laugh or do what you enjoy – be it catching an episode of ‘Friends’ that makes you laugh out loud or listening to music that makes you feel happy and calm or engaging in a hobby […]

Forgiveness is often misunderstood and many of us wonder what it really means. While psychological research continues to search for the concrete behavioural consequences of forgiveness, there is a great deal of research clarifying what forgiveness is not. The following 10 myths are summarised from the bestselling book No Regrets by Hamilton Beazley, Ph.D., professor […]

Sangeetha spanks her 2 year old daughter and feels terribly guilty after that. Rohan knows he’s been working late hours lately and feels guilty about not being able to spend enough time with his family. 70 year old Prasad looks back at his life and feels a sense of guilt for not being able to […]

You’ve probably lost a loved one recently or perhaps you’re grieving over a loss that happened years ago and still hurt when you think about it. Whatever your situation, it is likely that the pain is real and sometimes unbearable. Memories of the person, the last few moments with the person and the residue of […]

“The act of forgiveness takes place in our own mind. It really has nothing to do with the other person” – Louise Hay We have heard the quote ‘To err is human and to forgive is divine’. While some of us may agree with this theoretically, some of us may also struggle to apply this […]