To leave or not to leave

The tendency to feel stuck happens to each and every one of us in perhaps all spheres of our life at one time or the other. “Being stuck” makes us restless, frustrated and sometimes angry as well. We may be stuck with an impending assignment we have at hand or with people we don’t necessarily want to be around or even worse, we may be stuck making very crucial decisions in our lives. The fact that there is no movement in these aspects of our life can indeed become a worrisome factor to all of us.

Experiencing a feeling of being stuck in our intimate relationships can be very frustrating. By intimate relationships, I am referring to relationships we have with people who are important to us, people we love and people whom we consider an integral part of our life. We share very intimate relationships with our mother, father, sibling(s), friends and of course our lovers and no one relationship is ever the same.

In this article, we will talk especially about the intimate relationship that we share with a partner/lover/spouse and the feeling of being stuck while making a decision about whether or not to stay in that relationship. At a certain point in time, such relationships can become crucial to our happiness as we come to love, accommodate and make someone a part of our life who might become much closer to us than our friends and family and around whom many of our life’s decisions uncannily revolve. Therefore, a feeling of being stuck in such relationships might affect us more than any other.

We all love our share of good, healthy relationships where everything is fine and sunshine-y. Where there is enough love, communication, giving, taking, respect, understanding and whatever else it takes to make a relationship healthy, it makes us all want to go that extra mile. But sometimes, just sometimes, no matter how much we invest in arelationship, something just doesn’t seem right. Your partner may be the best person you have ever met, he/she may be the best right to all your wrongs and vice versa, but somehow, no matter how much both of you try, something just doesn’t click. Those can be some of the most demotivating and horrid moments of such a relationship – where no matter what we do, the pieces don’t match or fit.

What do we do then? Some of us weigh all our options and decide to give it some time, at the most. Some of us even go to the extent of shoveling everything under the carpet and carrying on like nothing is wrong, at the expense of hearing that nagging voice in our heads, wondering if we’ve made the right decision. A lot of us may choose to stick to the relationship, hoping and praying everything will work out. Others may decide that it is time to bid adieu.  There is no right or wrong choice because human emotions cannot be classified into black or white. Things just aren’t always crystal clear.

The reasons for how and why we arrive at these decisions are extremely subjective and vary from person to person. What often plays an influential role in our decision making is what our family and friends have to say. No matter how helpful and correct their opinions may be, sometimes the mental and emotional load we feel can become quite overwhelming and chaotic to handle. Another equally crucial factor to consider while making these choices are the mental checklists we always keep with us regarding what kind of a partner we want. Some of these checklists would include academic, socio-economic, moralistic and value-based criteria. Do we share the same beliefs on most things? Do we understand each other’s points of view and respect them? Do we make up for each other’s negatives? Do we fulfill each other mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually and holistically?  These are some of the questions we might often think of.

Decisions are never that easy to make, especially when they concern us. They become even more exasperating when we have too many choices to pick from. With so many emotions, memories, moments and facts at hand, making a decision on whether to stay or not becomes a Herculean task. What we can do to begin with is to weigh the pros and cons of the relationship. Time for self-reflection in order to become aware of what is actually going on and to be able to bring it to the fore is equally important.

What can also help is talking it over. At Talkitover, we provide professional counseling in a safe and non-judgmental environment which helps you work through your struggles with a compassionate counselor who walks with you on your journey.

Talk It Over

About Babushka Chauhan

Babushka Chauhan has completed her Masters of Science in Psychological Counselling from Christ University and is currently teaching Psychology part-time there. She is also a counselling psychologist and has worked with children, young adults and alcohol and drug addicts. She enjoys spending her time reading, writing and engaging with photography as well.