Counselling helped me recover from the trauma of my wife’s infidelity
“I took up counselling a year after discovering my wife’s infidelity. I was absolutely devastated on finding out her indiscretions. My whole world had turned upside down.
For about a year, I just relied on online forums to get me through the worst phase in my life. I was very reluctant to take up counselling. I did not believe in it. Reading online helped only upto a certain extent. Nothing I tried would help me. It was only then that I decided to try out individual counselling as a last resort. It was one of the best decisions of my life!
I was very skeptical talking about a sensitive topic, let alone opening up to a stranger about the most embarrassing aspect (at that time) of my life. But, Shireen made me feel comfortable right from the beginning. I could talk about anything and everything to her.
I just started off by telling her my whole story and whatever came to my head without filtering it. The way she responded to me, I felt more comfortable and never felt the fear of her judging me. I would keep on talking in the initial sessions and she would listen. Gradually, talking about the whole thing started coming naturally. Most of it was small details, my feelings, my fears, my insecurities, my frustrations, the whole inconvenient truth of my life, embarrassing things I was not comfortable with about sharing with anyone else. It felt cathartic. I started feeling better.
Then, we established what we want to achieve from the counselling. One by one, she took up the various emotions and issues that I was going through and tackled them head on. She guided me on how to handle the whole crisis at a much deeper level. She explained me the different emotions I was going through and told also explained to me the methods that she was using to help me. I would tell her every small thing bothering me. She helped me look at things objectively and spoke to me at length about the small things bothering me.
She did an excellent job of keeping me focused on my recovery and at the same time not getting carried away by the progress. She would talk to me positively about the impending divorce and life after it. She also made sure that I do not close myself to future relationships and spoke to me about having healthy relationships in the future.
One thing to remember is that counselling is a 2-way process and not a magic pill. I had to work hard to identify my issues and then talk to her about it. There were times when I had a different line of thinking than her. We would talk more about it until we found a solution that works for me. It is a process where she would help me look at the different aspects of a particular situation and I needed to take what works for me. I would evaluate what she said and keep talking about it until I was satisfied that I understood it. Once we spoke about a small thing bothering me for a whole session!
After nearly a year of counselling, I can say that I have got my mojo back. My self-confidence and self-esteem is much better than ever before. I can safely say that I have recovered from the trauma I was going through a year back and am much more positive about life. Thanks in large part to having a wonderful counsellor.”